Dressing for a date: advice to a man

This is the long-awaited conclusion to a series I wrote last year, with much help from female readers and from the blog's own Sarah Gilfillan. It followed many complaints from women about the lack of effort made by men (older men in particular) on dates. 

The complaints are discussed in the previous blog posts on internet dating, for which, click here. The solutions the the problems discussed are self-evident, but below I've set out some Grey Fox pointers for the older man dating in middle age or later.

Dressing and preparing for a date:

1. Show that you care by demonstrating that you've tried hard with your appearance. You may not always get it right - the woman won't be expecting David Gandy - it's the effort and the thought that counts.

2. The same goes for the photo that you use online. Don't use an image of you in your budgie smugglers on the beach last year, from your employers' website, or picking up your degree certificate 20 years ago - select a photo that shows you as you are now in smart but casual clothes. 

3. Wear smart, good quality, clean and, above all, well-fitting clothing - jackets, good quality knitwear. Go for smart casual with style. 

4. Avoid busy, mismatching clothes. If in doubt, select plain, well-cut styles. 

5. Accessories can add to a stylish look, showing that you've thought about your appearance. 

6. Soft tactile fabrics go down well.

7. Wear good shoes. Poor or dirty/worn footwear will spoilt any look. 

8. If you go for jeans, wear dark raw denim that fits well and isn't artificially distressed. 

9. Good grooming is essential. Clean, scrubbed, smelling nice, minimal excess hair. 

10. Are your teeth well looked-after and clean? If your breath smells, visit a dentist, get advice, use a breath-freshening mouthwash such as the excellent Ultra Dex.

11. If in doubt, get style advice from a knowledgeable friend, a stylist like our own Sarah Gilfillan of Sartoria Lab or read a good men's style blog like Grey Fox Blog. 

12. Make an effort; you can be sure that your date will have done. Show self-respect, and respect for her, by trying your best. It's not my place to tell you how to behave during the date, but show interest, ask questions, don't just talk about yourself. 

13.Enjoy yourself! 

Finally, I want to add the anonymous comments of a female reader of Grey Fox Blog. Read, learn and digest:

"We all want to be loved for being ourselves, but if you don't love and respect yourself first then how can you really love and appreciate someone else, let alone be able to bring something meaningful to a relationship, especially as you get older? I'm not talking vanity here, just simple respect for self. 

The way we dress in part reflects all of the above, and one of the benefits of getting older is the feeling of freedom to wear what you want, when and where you want. Knowing that mini skirts are sadly long gone, you don’t have to slavishly follow fashion, but can now wear your personality on your sleeve - what suits you. 

If someone neglects their appearance (and it needn't involve big expense, often more time) it's a real turn off on especially on a date. I immediately think, 'nursemaid'. 

No-one’s perfect but it’s important to make the best of what you have and a well dressed man or woman is a joy to behold! It’s just common sense.

.

PS My sister who’s in her late 60’s and travels a lot, often in a shocking pink wool coat, gets so many positive comments from all sorts of people. Mostly around, ‘You’ve bought happiness to my day."

Come on guys, follow Grey Fox and you’ll get it right!"

With many thanks to Sarah Gilfillan, Ste Johnson, talented illustrator, who produced the images and the many readers who helped with this piece.