Dating in mid-life by Rebecca Perkins

I've tackled the topic of dating on the blog before. We think of online dating as something younger men do, but the proliferation of dating services for older people suggests that it's popular with all ages. I want to introduce you to a dating service that provides a full package, dating profile, photographs and much-needed advice to those unsure how to proceed. Hey Saturday is run by Saskia Nelson, photographer. She works with Rebecca Perkins, a dating profile expert, author and lifestyle coach. They help men and women create effective profiles and photographs for online dating (links at the end of this feature).

Rebecca Perkins and Saskia Nelson of Hey Saturday

I invited Saskia and Rebecca to tell us about their service and they offered to photograph me as if I were a client seeking a partner. The feature is illustrated with some of these images to give you an idea of a profile image (not because I'm dating!). I really enjoyed working with Saskia and Rebecca and can only suggest that you try this excellent dating service. I asked Rebecca to give some general advice to those who are dating in middle age and after:

Success online dating for the midlife man by Rebecca Perkins

So, you've got to mid-life and it's possible that online dating wasn't part of your life plan. But you're here and you can either put on your elasticated waist trousers and sweatshirt and settle down for old age or you can embrace the change, have some fun as well as learn a bit about yourself. Grey Fox writes about his search for style as he got older and how it gave him an enhanced sense of self. The work I do with men and women is all about improving self esteem and reinventing midlife so when he invited me to write about dating in midlife I was delighted.

"Get some great photos for your dating profile. Nothing screams can't be bothered more than a blurry selfie taken in the bathroom".

Online dating can feel both terrifying and exciting. You’ve no doubt heard plenty of horror stories from both male and female friends. Have you heard about the great successes too? Here's what I've learned during my time online dating in midlife: 

Use it as a time to get to know yourself a bit better. Know what's important to you in life. Spend some time thinking about your values, the things that act as your guide in life - integrity, open-mindedness, honesty, family… believe me it makes online dating much easier when you know what you’re looking for.

Image of Grey Fox by Saskia Nelson of Hey Saturday

Get used to feeling uncomfortable. Online dating for the first time can feel very uncomfortable. We often hide behind a lot of old beliefs being fearful of showing any vulnerability. Remember that we're all in the same boat and the moment you can be open and honest the easier it becomes.

Use good quality photographs for your dating profile. Nothing screams can't be bothered more than a blurry selfie taken in the bathroom. No one will take you seriously if you've not made some effort to get some decent portraits. Hey Saturday is a niche dating photography business and we understand the need for the best photos.

"Style is so much more than what clothes you wear, it's about becoming comfortable in your own skin, wearing the clothes that make you feel great about yourself". 

Do what makes you confident. What do you love doing? Do more of it. Divorce and the fall out can really knock our confidence and self esteem and it’s easy to slip into a closed off world where we feel ‘safe’. Taking steps out of our comfort zone is really important. Remember the things you loved to do and start getting busy again. Running, wood carving, furniture restoration, cycling, mountain biking…. whatever gives you a buzz make time for it every week.

Write a stand-out dating profile. I've read too many cliché ridden profiles in my time, believe me! You will be noticed among all the other profiles out there if you've made the effort. 

Image of Grey Fox by Saskia Nelson of Hey Saturday

My credo for an effective profile is 'show don't tell'. We all know that you've got a good sense of humour and that you like walking the dog or curling up with a glass of Merlot with the latest Indie film on Netflix.... but you can do so much better than that. A dating profile is your press release, it's your chance to show potential matches you on your very best day. You want to be saying, ‘hell yeah, I’d date me’ about your profile! I love working with clients to help them create their very own irresistible dating profile.

Style is so much more than what clothes you wear, it's about becoming comfortable in your own skin, wearing the clothes that make you feel great about yourself. I know from personal experience that when I'm wearing clothes, shoes, jewellery that makes me happy and feel good about myself I know I'm going to perform better, I'm going to feel more successful in life. The same goes for what you think and say about yourself. Do you speak nicely about yourself or do you give yourself a hard time?

Image of Grey Fox by Saskia Nelson of Hey Saturday

Give yourself the best chance of success. Make the effort now even before you’ve registered online by doing the things I’ve suggested. I know how daunting it can feel but it’s so well worth putting in the effort now. Do you need to get in shape? Lose a little weight around the middle? Could you do with a shopping trip to sort out your wardrobe? Could you do with spending a couple of sessions with a coach to sort out your self talk? Do you need to book yourself a session with a photographer? This is all about highlighting you, the new midlife version of you. Isn’t it worth it?

Links:

Hey Saturday

Irresistible Dating Profiles

Note by Grey Fox: This is an unsponsored feature. I invited Hey Saturday to write for the blog because I receive many comments from older women who are dating online that often men make little effort. This feature is not only for them, but for anyone contemplating dating: like anything in life,  you need to work at it.