Grey Vixen writes - Silver foxes in sheep's clothing - men who dye their hair

Silver Foxes in Sheep’s Clothing

By Sabine Reichel

What does Grey Vixen think of men who dye their hair?

Women always kind of loved them; the older grey-haired gents with the twinkly eyes who were so damn authentic and sexy, manly and carefree - who didn't give a hoot about their fading youth. It used to be just us women, whose existential desire for gorgeous hair is legendary, who eagerly covered up any treacherous grey roots as fast as we could. Men were smiling at such folly – and we kind of envied them for their coolness and self-confidence, didn't we? 

How times have changed!

Does he or doesn't he? 

'Does she or doesn't she?' asked Clairol in the famous American hair colour advert. of the sixties. The she has now become a he. And yes, he does! As much as he can. This hair-colour frenzy is a terrible trend. All around us we see peculiar browns and blacks on what would otherwise be heads in many shades of grey – and some men who insist that the glorious mahogany hair is a generous gift from Mother Nature and not from L’Oreal, Paris. 

But why are men delusional enough to believe that they can fool nature and the people around them with hair that practically begs for attention? 'Look at me, I’m NOT grey!' Yes, Paul McCartney, Ricky Gervais and Liam Neeson – we are talking about you, too!

My personal favourite is the two-toned Mafia-style hair that has become a trademark of older businessmen and politicians who have seen better days (think Mitt Romney, if anybody remembers). It’s the kind of teaser-hair that says, 'I’ll give you my suave grey sideburns to drool over, but I'm not ready yet to go all the way!'

Naturally, the world of entertainment is still the place for baffling hair colour. Elvis was the first unabashed fan of the blue-ish black dye previously reserved for Snow White, ravens, Elizabeth Taylor, Tony Curtis and Rock Hudson. But that was the fifties and the heyday of Technicolor that brought out a wild love affair with everything garish. Today, the gentleman who dyes is more sloppy and adventurous in his choice of hues and colours.

The list of shame is long and varied. Whatever happened to the chic pepper-and-salt-hair of actor Benicio del Toro? He now looks like he’s wearing a cheap black fur hat. Sure, Sean Penn is busy, and we salute him for his humanitarian efforts, but does that mean he must scare people with a strange reddish hue on his greying head? And look at Ricky Gervais, a really funny man with much too much dark colour all over his hair and beard, all of which only distracts from his perversely biting jokes.

Ricky Gervais - image The Guardian

Good news come from Al Pacino, who used to be in the hands of fanatical hair colourists who who dyed his hair, beard and eyebrows a colour so dark that he looked like a caricature of an old fashioned magician drawn in black coal. A recent photo of Al shows him in his natural grey, as is appropriate for a 73 old man. Maybe it’ll inspire Liam Neeson who, ironically, played the lead in the blockbuster The Grey, except that HE wasn't  As it is often with men who have a less than glorious head of hair, they overcompensate with an extra dash of bad colour.

And here we must have a quick word about the male hair colour palette, because it seems to be inspired by the animal kingdom. There’s the classic horse and Bambi brown, followed by Dachshund, Irish setter and red fox. This is all nice and natural and looks fabulous on our four- legged friends! But on Nicolas Cage, John Travolta, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Elton John and Italy’s Bad Berlusconi, who have both hair implants andfake colour, that reddish hue looks ghastly.

Men who dye their hair are usually stubborn. Asked why they dye their hair – actually nobody admits it – but let’s say they would, they’d come up with the two most unconvincing arguments even the most naive and colour blind onlooker can’t be fooled by. 1. It looks totally natural. 2. It makes them look younger! 

No, it doesn't. On both accounts. So why do even “younger” men like Tom Cruise and Robert Downey Jr. succumb to the pressure to be frozen in time? Couldn't one be proud of a shock of silvery hair and wear it with style and aplomb? Sure, it isn't easy being old(er) in this youth-obsessed society, but men don’t even NEED to colour their hair because society values grey temples on men so much more than on women, and sees them as a sexy sign for experience and worldliness. Why not be old-fashioned and trendsetting and be proud of your roots?

The only problem I can see in being grey for the regular men these days is the big challenge when it comes to competition. It’s near to impossible to look as debonair as the Glamour-Greyhounds Cary Grant and George Clooney or as imperial as Richard Gere and Sean Connery.  But it’s worth a try! So let’s salute the men who dare to show off their silver in a casual, confident manner like Robert De Niro, Michael Douglas, Jay Leno, David Lynch, Bill Clinton. Is there any older man sexier than Jeff Bridges with his glorious mane of greyish locks? 

Jeff Bridges in GO 2010

British men, may be less vain and more self-assured than their American counterparts, fare real well on the grey fox front – Ian McKellen, Anthony Hopkins, Hugh Laurie, Jeremy Irons, Daniel Day-Lewis - all look fantastic. On the other hand, Ian McShane’s hair is a bit black, isn’t it? Gary Oldman looks a touch refreshed at the roots, so does Colin Firth, and Jason Isaacs looks like a fearless hair colour aficionado.

I'm a grey-haired rock-chick, so it is comforting to see that most ageing rock stars doesn't embarrass themselves and therefore me and my generation. They are the proud carriers of natural hair – from Jimmy Page, Robert Plant and Neil Young to Ringo, Leonard Cohen, Charlie Watts, David Byrne, Bob Dylan and even old tousel-hair Keith Richards. But Paul McCartney lives in the past. For a while now, Sir Paul dons a very unfortunate reddish brown on his boyish haircut (where is Stella McCartney, talking some sense into Daddy’s artificially darkened head?) and if anybody could tell me what happened to poor Ray Davis’ hair...

So, dear Gentlemen of the card-carrying dye-hard-party, let’s be grown-up about this and sing together with Paul the new song of freedom called “Let it be!”

Grey Vixen writes - a reply to the last Grey Vixen post on 'jiggly bits'

The first Grey Vixen writes post by Sabine Reichel received an overall favourable response - but some disagreed with Sabine's approach. I thought I would welcome a Grey Vixen guest post putting forward the alternative view - and here it is.

I'm grateful to Clair Woodward, a friend from Twitter, for agreeing to write this.

Image Daily Mail

Grey Vixen writes - a reply to Careful it Jiggles...

I remember Victoria Wood trotting out a ridiculous line from a teenage magazine from her youth: 'Play down a large bust with a scarf with a little brooch'. That's what first came to mind when I read Sabine Reichel's Grey Fox guest post about covering up the older lady's 'jiggly' bits. I laughed - and then felt disappointed that a blog which successfully guides and advises older men about stylish, age-appropriate dressing was featuring the boring and negative stuff that women have been reading for years.

I really am not interested in another woman telling me that I should cover up my less than firm flesh - Christ knows what she'd think of my arms. They're fairly unflabby, but I've got psoriasis, a fairly unattractive skin condition on them. If Sabine had seen me yesterday (on a boat on a hot day) in a sleeveless dress, she'd probably have had a  fit, and would have preferred it if I'd slipped on a fisherman's roll-neck sweater so I didn't frighten the horses.

Maybe it's because Sabine used to be a model that she notices certain 'imperfections' in women as they get older. Me, not so much. Once you get to a certain age, you know what does and doesn't suit you, and dress accordingly. You also realise that some of the old balls you've been taught by the media about not having good legs/cankles/a big enough bust/too big a  bust/too saggy a bust is simply a value judgment, not a rule to live by.

'I don’t like to stare at ageing armpits – it’s creepy. Sorry,' writes Sabine. My dear, our armpits are all ageing, and what is wrong with that? If at over 40, you're horrified at the thought of a body that is changing with the years, you really should get real.

There's been a meme going around the internet recently advising women on how to 'get a bikini body'. It advises to get a bikini and put it on your body. And that's it. No writer on male style and fashion would advise on 'how to disguise an unattractive paunch'  or say 'that wattly neck makes me want to vomit!'. Us women have been putting up with that kind of nonsense for years, and now we are older, we have the confidence to dress the way we like without being judged.

So, Grey Fox, if you are going to offer some advice for the laydeez in future, can we have more advice on where to get great clothes, shoes and accessories, with a few knowlegeable tips, rather than being told that our underarms are creepy, and that we don't look as good as we used to? We look different, not dying.

CLAIR WOODWARD

GF - This ends the debate here on the blog - but please e-mail or comment below if you wish to make a constructive point.

Grey Vixen writes: Careful, it jiggles! The Sins of Summer by Sabine Reichel

Introducing 'Grey Vixen writes':

I realise that many of Grey Fox's readers are women. They are either looking for ideas for dressing their partners with style, or maybe (vain hope?) they just like well-dressed older men. Whatever, I felt it was time to offer you, dear female readers, an occasional Grey Vixen column to give you relief from endless cuff links and boxer shorts - and highlight some fashionable female topics and views.

And, dear male reader, don't go away! Stick around for beautiful and stylish women; read about their jiggly bits (not my words, see below) and maybe get some ideas for nagging the woman in your life in retaliation for throwing out your favourite t-shirts.

Sabine Reichel

This first column is written by Sabine Reichel, former model, New York designer and long-time reporter and writer (in English and German) whose works include books (What Did you do in The War, Daddy? and Grey is Great) and columns in Huffington Post50.

I was delighted when she agreed to write a guest post for Grey Fox. Sabine has much to say about life and style as an older woman which resonates with what Grey Fox is all about. I'm hoping to post fairly regular contributions from her. Please let me have your comments and questions as usual!

Careful, it jiggles! The Sins of Summer
by Sabine Reichel

Let’s pretend it’s summer and it is really hot. You wear those little sleeveless cotton stretch-tops or even a dress with spaghetti straps the way you always did, all your life - without a bra, because you are of the sixties generation. Except you are 50 plus now, in terrific shape – for your age, as impolite people like to add - and it doesn't do any harm.

And then a girlfriend, a really good one (otherwise she wouldn't dare) says to you, 'Your upper arms jiggle!'. Which is just another way of saying, 'If I were you, I’d stop wearing sleeveless tops and not show the world my naked arms – at your age! And while you’re at it, wear a bra!'

Trim, athletic upper arms are a dream for many

That hurts - but let's investigate this summery topic to see how fashion-trouble can be avoided.

Trim, athletic upper arms are a dream for many (including myself - but excluding Madonna). Past fifty untamed flesh appears in all kinds of places. In younger years it’s luscious, firm and silky, the breasts sit proud and high – but then, all of a sudden it seems, the flesh is jiggly and moves about like jelly. But it is the truth – and it seems sometimes unfair – women have more loose flesh on their bodies than men. It's really nice as long as it wraps itself in perfect proportion around a trim body. (And I don’t mean like Lady Gaga’s real beefsteak-dress of last year!)

Madonna

Nora Ephron, the late, very funny American writer and author of the bestseller I Feel Bad about my Neck, knew a thing or two about the older body that seems to betray you whenever you look away as everything goes south when you hit fifty. She opted for turtle-neck sweaters and long sleeves and it's safe to say that she was never spotted bra-less at her fabulous New York lunches.

In my informal fashion-quiz which I do often for fun with girlfriends, I asked them 'How long can you go sleeveless and bra-less in public?' At the very most until your le fifties was the answer. Because no matter how fit you are, there are not only jiggling parts on your upper arms but strange and scary wobbly hills and fatty deposits right under your arm that don’t need to be exposed freely to strangers anywhere. And certainly not without a bra.

You should have a relaxed and loving relationship with your body

We all know the now older lady-hippies, don’t we? Once adorable super-skinny flower children and budding feminists who banned not only the bomb, but bras as well, they still have flowing grey hair, comfy shapeless dresses over natural bosoms, Birkenstocks and recycled shopping bags. I love hippies, I was one myself, and the idea of liberation on all fronts is always appealing. But while your mind and animals should run wild and free, bosoms of a certain age should not.

Who decides what is beautiful and fits the bill of propriety? Naturally, it is very important that only you yourself decides what is permissible at what age – it is an individual question of comfort and aesthetics. Of course, you should have a relaxed and loving relationship with your body and allow it some freedom, no need to wrap it in Spanx like a wounded knee.

Being in control when it comes to exposure

But there’s nothing wrong with being a little critical and in control when it comes to exposure. What are the real turn-offs when looking at other people’s bodies in public? Sadly, more older women than is good for them have an uninhibited streak when it comes to nakedness. I don’t like to stare at ageing armpits – it’s creepy. Sorry. 

So, I wear sleeveless stuff without a bra only at home or with close friends. But fashionable life goes on in the outside world. So, here’s the plan for a cool and pretty summer without exposing flabby flesh. 

Wrap a scarf or sole around the shoulders

First, get hold of a comfortable bra and consider these tips.

1. If you must wear a sleeveless dress – and it better be gorgeous – wrap a beautiful, feather light silk scarf or stole around the shoulders.

2. Layers are life-savers! Wear a slightly transparent long-sleeved stretchy shirt under the dress. Alternative: a flimsy long-sleeved chiffon blouse.

3. Get a short little silk or cotton cardigan (waist length), that you also can just hang casually over your shoulders if it gets too warm.

Now you’re all set!