Internet dating is now big. But, despite its growth, I've been hearing a lot from woman friends of their disappointment at the poor efforts made by older men when dating. As a representative of the man over forty, I decided to find out more. What is the woman's experience? Where are men going wrong? What advice can be given to the older man looking to date successfully?
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| It's important that a man, younger or older, makes an effort with appearance when dating (Image Ste Johnson) |
This e-mail is typical of the comments I've had from women of forty or more -
At the ripe old age of 44 - and with three small children - I recently decided to dip my toe into the murky waters of internet dating.I was anxious and excited at the same time but there seemed to be a rather depressing recurring theme online. Most of the men I fancied were a good ten years younger than me. They were the ones who stood out from the crowd - presenting themselves with a decent haircut, a smart shirt or cool t-shirt, some kind of "style" that said they still cared about their appearance. I wasn't specifically looking for someone who worked in fashion, or who was even particularly fashionable, but the men in my age bracket seemed to be stuck in some kind of sartorial rut.So I chatted to my other single forty-something friends about it and it seemed to be a common problem. Where are all the stylish single 40-something men? How difficult can it be to purchase a decent pair of straight-leg jeans, a grey or navy t-shirt or sweatshirt and a smart pair of trainers? This is not cutting edge fashion - it's just a smart, simple, casual and classic look that is easy to achieve whether it's from Top Man or Liberty.Do men reach a certain age and give up on looking after themselves? I would have thought most single men would be trying to make the most their looks especially as let's face it, with internet dating, you have one chance to make a good first impression and whether you agree with it or not, it's going to be based on your profile photos first and foremost.
I discussed these matters with Grey Fox contributor, Sarah Gilfillan and she agreed to carry out a survey of women over 40 (contacted through Twitter, Facebook or social contacts) who've tried internet dating. We wanted to see what view they took of the men they met - were they trying hard enough? What could they do better? Is there any advice we can give here on Grey Fox?
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| 'With internet dating you have one chance to make a good impression' |
We'll give you the results of the survey, and some advice, later this week. Meanwhile, please let us have your thoughts and experiences, either by commenting below or by e-mailing greyfoxblogATgmailDOTcom.
NOTE: I'd like to thank Ste Johnson for his permission to use the images in this Internet Dating series. To see more of his wonderful work visit his website here.
I totally agree with your commentator. On-line dating for the stylish over-50 woman can be just as disappointing. If the main profile shot looks attractive the secondary "see how sporty and well travelled I am" photos invariably ruin the illusion with either slogan t-shirts and 3/4 length cargo pants (shouldn't be allowed on anyone under 15) or a multi stripe polo shirt (think golfing) tucked into slightly high waist chinos. I don't want to date Kevin the teenager or my Dad! Please can you give them a bit of advice.....thank you.
ReplyDeleteI have tried internet dating with mixed results. I must agree that a good set of profile photo's appears to go a long way.However they should be honest, ie recent. Certainly I have had dates which have started with women making the observation "oh good you look like your photo." My experience is that women are not looking for pictures that indicate wealth,sportmanship or favourite pass times. But they do like the look of a reasonabley groomed and presentabley dressed man.Sadly I have been on dates where woman I met bore little resemblance to her picture. I must admit after such a bad beginning the date rarely improves.
ReplyDeleteInternet dating can be fun if you approach it with the view that you can meet some interesting women who it can be fun to spend an evening with.If you are lucky you both might think it is worth meeting up for a second date.
Speaking very generally, how a person presents him- or herself online and in the flesh, regardless of age and dating status, is indicative of a whole lot else about that individual. The online profile and photographs are but the tip of the iceberg. There might be very good reasons that a person is: a) still single, b) single again, or c) has difficulty meeting "the one." Frankly, the problem of dating and meeting someone decent, who might also be of a similar mind about building something long-term, has only been exacerbated by the internet and related dating sites. It's just too easy to present a highly scoured, sanitized, idealized version of oneself online, and too many people do just that. Unless, of course, a person is only interested in a roll in the hay. Not saying online dating never works, but from what I've read and heard about the subject, using the 'net to meet potential romantic partners creates a raft of new and unforeseen problems that can be disheartening, at the very least, to a person who genuinely wants something, well, genuine.
ReplyDeleteBest Regards,
Heinz-Ulrich von B.
Many thanks for these comments and the many e-mails too. Keep them coming. A follow-up post will appear in a week or so.
ReplyDeleteGF
I was very disappointed with photos on internet dating sites. I really wasn't encouraged to contact anyone just by photo alone. It's a shame because whether you like it or not, looks matter. They do on internet dating. It's the first thing you see. You don't see a personality. That's not how it works. Come on guys. Look like you actually have a pulse and an interest in life!
ReplyDeleteThanks Anon - I suppose the same lack of care has gone into photo selection as goes into personal presentation - I'll mention that one in the follow-up (which is likely to be delayed a week or so).
ReplyDeleteMaybe there's a market here for good professional portrait photographers.
GF
Friend of ours pointed out that men seem to have three - four photos of them in the their internet dating profiles:
ReplyDelete- up close shot of face either from a selfie or a corporate photo
- pic of them doing something sporty
- pic of them on their travels somewhere, this may be either posing in front of tourist site or sitting at a table in an outside cafe with beer or coffee
- for some men only maybe a pic of them with some children - either their own or nieces & nephews to show how family oriented they are